"True" Love - a conversation
I can't even remember who I had this conversation with, but thought I might share some insight on the nature of love etc. here. I may edit this later into a real article/essay and expand upon the ideas.
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do you really believe there is true love in this world? and what is true love in your opinion..? don't laugh at me , it is not simply a question of naivete..
i understand... won't laugh
i really don't know that there is such a thing called "true love"
just picking apart the words.... "true".. is a value judgment... is one type of love more "true" than others?? I don't think so...
you either have love or you don't have love
now love in my view had more to do with a genuine appreciation for another human being
by that i mean... an ability to have that person be perfect in your eyes without any changes...
oh
there is this emotional thing that is often mistaken for love
a certain "buzz" in a way... whereby you can't stop thinking about the other person...
the "falling in love" type of love
but i am not so sure that that is the love that will last long as the 2 people see more and more of each others faults as they get to know each other better
falling in love usually ends up in falling out of love
as the 2 people are more in love with "love" than with each other... are in love with the feeling of love
but there is a type of love between parents and children and between people who share their lives with each other... that is very much one of deep connection to each other and genuine caring for each other
i think this romantic idea of "true love" is something that really isn't real
but is a very appealing idea
then,why do men and women form and keep a steady relationship ? since the love is merely a feeling, and a feeling would be changed, and as we all know,humanbeing is complex,changing , why do women and men count for a steady relationship? why they are so sensitive about the"betray","playboy,playgirl", why do some of women don't wanna have sex with men if there were no emotion involved in?
all good questions
sometimes they do it out of habit
a sense of security
of familiarity
i mean staying together over a long time..
also because of children and a desire to provide a good home for them
people in general are deep down afraid of other people...
afraid of getting hurt..
so they stick together... and hold on.. even when sometimes.. its best to just let go
in English there is a saying.... "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know"
so fear keeps a lot of people together...
and i hate "fear".. because it is rooted in just a perception of the future....is fantasy in a way and that is not real
the feeling of loving someone and being loved is very nice, but such feeling could never last long..
i tend to believe just that
it is a wonderful feeling
but would not last long...
but as soon as you try to hold on to it.. to make it last long.. it disapears
why?
because instead of just being with the person.. being in love with the person.... you are now focussed on the negative.. the fear of loss.... and that turns love into shit
and gets into issues of control..
of trying to mold the other person
all of the sudden they are no longer "perfect"
as they are
but someone who needs to be changed...
or controlled..
its sad
oh..
i know there is a lot of philosophy in what i say, but that is how i see things at this point in time
posted by tianrui @ 3:23 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
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There are a lot of good thoughts here--as a conversation itself everything said was bound to be utterly spontaneous, which in some ways make the ideas come out more truthful to the "facts".
I completely agree with you on the unrealistic nature of "true love", that it's solely an appealing idea. Because even statistically speaking, what is the chance one meets the entire rest of the world which could potentially become candidates of "true lovers" and then through comparison and overall evaluation, has the heart decide on the true/best one? Zero. There are mathematical ways to optimize that chance, however, the absolute value doesn't exist until one tells him or herself that she or he is the one.
Falling-in-love and falling-out-of-love do exist though, as you said, but I would perfer taking out the "-ing". I think in or out of love is like point A and point B, with no process or transition in between. Just like Heidi Klum's catchphrase in Project Runway: One day you are in; the next day you are out.
Tangential to your comment on that people steady themselves out of familiarity and insecurity, an August NYTimes article linked fame to "a heightened focus on the self" through public recognition and one of things that may happen is finding another source of approval--"That might be a great love, if you are lucky." Bonding oneself with another person can secure a (relatively) consistent and lasting source of approval, and that usually surpasses the will to venture as people grow older.
Finally I just want to make a little addition to the whole conversation in attempt to interpret "true love", or rather, love. Looking at the opposite of it can be also illuminating: hate. Consider someone you can hate SO much. That may be the one.
great comments miao, thank you. Love is such an abstraction.
I mean, what is it we are talking about when we speak of "love". The physicality of it, the emotional part, the mental.
I love your comment on "hate", though to tell the truth, I have never really ever hated anybody. Many relationships out there though have a goodly element of both love and hate going on. Many relationships are just entanglements, whereby each party provides something the other needs (both negative and positive)on a rather unconscious almost automatic level. So many times when someone says "I love you" it is a code word and actually means "I need you". So in or out of love...
what is it we are describing here?
I am not sure really. Sounds like a condition of sorts. And how do we distinguish that from universal love, parent/child love, brotherly love and general compassion and feeling for others?
Heidegger once said "Cherish your questions more than the answers"
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